She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
