remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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