and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
