I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
