Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
