Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
