wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm at about main and main street
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
