My nipple is on Facebook.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
whose ass print is on the piano?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
