I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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