oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
