Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
