i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
