Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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