Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
