I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
