In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
