HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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