she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
