so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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