The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
