dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
