Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
