Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
