just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
