Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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