Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My life is pants optional.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
