My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
