PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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