can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
