If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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