my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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