He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
