I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
