College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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