I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
