I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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