i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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