Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
