jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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