What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
