dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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