At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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