Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
