Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
