i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
