we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
