I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
