Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
