Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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