i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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