I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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