I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
