Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
