dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We need to get me chipped asap
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
