Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
